Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
