You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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