his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
