did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
