I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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