I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
