Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
