she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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