make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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