I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
