Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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