there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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