i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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