Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
