Swine flu. Run for my life!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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