It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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