he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
