i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
being pregnant is like rehab
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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