He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
