it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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