Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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