Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
