I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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