I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
