I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
