I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
