She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
