just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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