You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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