apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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