she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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