I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im holly from the hills drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
