This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
