He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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