proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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