Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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