I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
