It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
