so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
