Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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