I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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