Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You made out with two different species that night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
