I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
