Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
