..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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