mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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