She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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