So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
