I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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