Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
