y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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