That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
