I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
