he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
