You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
