I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
