No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My vagina just recognized that song.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
