It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
