Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
