I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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