the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
