The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
