Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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