Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
